First Character- edited it and now im finshed!

name-Gabriel Lax
age-17
gender-male
hair color-black
eye color-dark blue
skin color-tan
height-6'6
weapon(if any?)-kinves
district (unless they are capital residents)-10
talents(no more then three)-can do alot of different kind of flips, is strong, and can knock people out.
flaws(must have at least three)-major anger issues, trips alot, is clumsy, and muscle spasms.
life in the district/capital(must be five or more sentences)-He lives in a tiny beat-up house. A couple of years ago his parents died in a house fire. So he built a new one and it's not finished. He wants to fix it up but he doesnt have the time with his work. He works on a ranch as a cow herder.
rp example(must be five or more sentences)-I come home and open my door and it falls again "Dang! Stupid door!." he says while putting it back on the hinges. Then takes his shoes off and goes into the kitchen, "I wish I had more time.". Then grabs his screw gun and opens the cabinet to see what he needs to do then it falls off the wall. He picks it up and says "Why did that fire have to happen! I could've stopped it!" he says then throws the screw gun on the floor. Gets his knife out of his pocket and throws it on the dart board, it hits the center. Then picks it up and has a spasm attack and the knife goes flying backwards and hits the fridge "Dang!!".

approved but im not sure if and rp shud be in 3rd but its sokay!

huh?

What she saying is that you were referring to your character in 3rd person, for example:

He picks it up and says "Why did that fire have to happen!

You need to refer to yourself as I. For example:

I pick up the door and say. "Why did that fire have to happen?"

This is not approved

fix your flaws, trips alot and clumsy are the same thing

and also fix your rp example because your switching from first to third and thats confusing,



this is what you put for the first two sentences:

I come home and open my door and it falls again "Dang! Stupid door!." he says while putting it back on the hinges. Then takes his shoes off and goes into the kitchen, "I wish I had more time."



it should look like this:

I come home and open my door and it falls again "Dang! Stupid door!." I say while putting it back on the hinges. Then I take my shoes off and go into the kitchen, "I wish I had more time."